My daughter..Afifah

She is my daughter.She has been immersed in the turbulence of life at an early age.However, what i admire about her is she could endure each cyclone with such an heroic act..

At 3 years old she suffered from a high fever and was diagnosed lung infection.Being a government servant, there is no better place to get affordable treatment other than a government hospital.I could still remember how i had to take care of her for eight days at the hospital and sleeping on a comforter laid on a cold, cemented floor for 8 nights.But most of the days and nights i would be wide awake sponging her little body for fear she might get into a fit.Although she was discharged later, the trips to hospital for continuation of care were endless..

At 6 years old, she suffered from a severe abdominal pain.That evening she vomited continuously.She could not sleep.I tried to rub some ointment on her stomach but it didnt get any better.She cried and whined all night long and it went on and on until 5 o'clock in the morning.So, i took a decision to bring her to a private hospital.Why not..if she could get any better fast.At the private hospital, still those 'expertists' could not diagnose her sickness.Infact to get her urine tested, i had to remind the nurses to do so, that was after almost one day being admitted!The doctor diagnosed her as UTI patient and was given antibiotics.On the third day she was brought for an ultrasound, and the elderly doctor could only tell me that there was something abnormal in the stomach.That evening i asked for a dismissal note and for that three days i was charged rm3000 for a service below satisfactory level.I paid in cash...

A motherly instinct told me that my daughter was suffering from more than just UTI(urinary tract infection)So, later after much discussion with my other half,I brought her to see the paediatrician at the government hospital...and her hospital episodes began...

She had to go through x-rays,ultrasound, MCU,KIV scope ,Renal DPTA and a few others which i m not quite familiar with.For her DPTA we opted for The National Cancer Society since there was a along list at HKL.For that we were charged rm 200. To tract down her complications she had to see paediatrician,nephrologist,radiologist,urologist,pathologist from MO level up to the consultant level.They kept on changing her antibiotics from Bactrim to Zenacef to Augmentine.She was trusted from one paediatrician to another since we were always on the move from the east coast to the west coast where she finally ended up in KL Hospital under a vigilant care of two great consultants Miss Susan and Mr. Murali.The two finally diagnosed my daughter as having etopic kidney, meaning the non-functioning of her right pelvic kidney. The kidney has to be removed or else she would be having UTI through out her life and had to rely greatly on antibiotics.Chances for her left kidney to get infected due to UTI were great too.A date for nephrectomy was set on 17 May 2003.That was two years after her complaint of abdominal pain!
17 May 2003- I could still remember vividly the day my daughter was wheeled into the freezing operation room.The anaesthetist kept on talking to her, praised her for having such a beautiful name and gave words of encouragement to boost her spirit.I gazed at her through the glass door until she finally drawn into unconsciousness after blowing a balloon which later she related to me as having a taste of strawberry.
I waited for her in the next room.Telling the truth, I was scared..too scared...but calls after calls from my colleague gave me strength,assurance,comfort and confidence.After exactly three hours, my name was buzzed out from the intercome.I was needed in the recuperating room.I opened the connecting door and there she was..my daughter lying on bed..so small..so fragile but to me she is so courageous, so heroic to battle through the worst stage.In her semi-conscious state, she held my hands and gave me the sweetest smile ever.My daughter was released 3 days later and a week after she was already cycling on her bike...
That was not the end..2 years later, she started having lots of discharge which made her days uncomfortable.So, the paeds passed the case to the gynaecologist.After several tests and scopes, they concluded that my daughter was lacking in female organ..that was the womb.This was after 2 years of visitation.The news came out like a bomb shell. I was dumbfounded upon hearing the result.How could it be..I asked the 'expert' if there was anything could be done.Bluntly, she said, nope...the organ was missing and there was no such thing as 'transplant' in this case.

As a mother, I was frustrated..with the doctor, with the result and with the the effort they had shown.So, I requested to see the top person, the person who supervised the case and did the scope.He gave me a time limit i.e 2 years before he could make any confirmation to the result..so..there was still hope..though a frail one.

Days passed.I kept thinking about what lies in her future.Of course, it is a dream of any mother to see her daughter finding the right partner, getting married, having a family and so on.It tore my heart everytime I looked at her.
However,yesterday I got the most wonderful news that I hugged and kissed her.The news that made my daughter, Afifah a true lady, the news that definitely confirm her womb exists!
To my daughter Afifah Dayana which means 'honour and brave': Continue to discover what life has in store for you with strength,perseverance,faith in God and optimism.I am sure you can beat all the upcoming battles and obstacles..
Momy will always love you and pray for you..

Life is a roller coaster ride...

SUNDAY - My life has been like on a roller coaster ride these past weeks.It started on Sunday when i received the sad news from Muar.My aunt Yan passed away due to several illnesses.....I took a 9:00 pm flight from Kota Bharu to KLIA.I was lucky that night, there were still many empty seats, so getting one wasnt a problem.The plane touched down at about 10:00pm at KLIA, and my sister was already there waiting for me to drive up to Muar and we reached our kampong at almost 12:00 midnight. I am not quite used to all these funeral things.Having been away from families most of the time, i seldom get the chance to attend the funerals or weddings or kenduri.Yes, I always missed my cousins' weddings but they understood me.Upon reaching the house,my two uncles were there.Cik Jai guided me to see the body of my late aunt Yan.He opened the veil for me, and i saw aunt Yan lying there as if she was sleeping peacefully with her lips smiling.I kissed her cheeks for the last time and that was it.Al fatihah for aunt Yan..may Allah put you among the good and the pious. For us ..the living souls,may THE AL MIGHTY continue guiding us as we journey through this borrowed world..That night i stayed up reading the quran and the Yassin until my eyes could no longer open.I looked at the time, it was 2:00 am...

MONDAY- I left for KL after the funeral.Since i hadnt bought any ticket yet, and was too tired physically and emotionally, i decided to stay in KL for one more night.I went to my husband's mess and what awaited me was very surprising.His condo which he shares with another officer is situated on the 20th floor and overlooking the city of KL.Having been staying in a country town for years,I was mesmerised with such a breathtaking view..i m sure my kids will be gaping at the sight of the sky scrappers glittering magnificiently in the darkness of the sky and the vehicles that look like moving neon bulbs from the 20 th floor...

TUESDAY- Since KLIA is quite a distance from KL, so i decided to fly back with Firefly from Subang.I haven't been on a Fokker for years, so this would be quite a thriling experience for me.And it definitely was..I also received a phone call from my school telling me that i was requested to attend an interview in Jitra, Kedah the next day.I asked them to postpone, and the latest date that they gave me was Thursday. Alright.. I would try and make it..

Due to the bad weather the plane went through a turbulence..it was shaking all the way and when we reached K Bharu it was pouring, so we were caught up in the cabin for half an hour...until we were finally given an umbrella each.Unlike before, travelling by plane nowdays is no longer frilly and lacy..

I was drenched when i reached my car in the car park.Of course i would not wait for the rain to stop, it could be hours later and i had to pick up my two kids from my friend's house.I guessed it was just not my day, for i lost my way twice.I could not see the signboard due to the pouring rain, so i took a turn to Bachok instead of Pasir Putih.I had to stopped twice, once at the petrol station and later at a stall asking for direction.I was wet from top to toe and shivering too.A journey, which on normal bright day takes 45 mins took 1 1/2 hours!When i reached my friend's house my kids were already asleep and the time was 11:30pm ..and i had to go home, tidy up the house, change the smelly clothes in the luggage to fresh ones for i had travel up to Jitra, Kedah the next day!

WEDNESDAY-i was now back in school in Kelantan, completing all the necessary task before the hols.But early that morning i had to see my students first , gave them my blessing before sitting for their SPM English Paper .I had to sort out a few things first.Luckily my friend had bought me a bus ticket to Jitra..that s what friends are for..So, that s settled.Next I had to look at the offer letter.I was offered to attend an interview for the post of Senior Lecturer at The Institute of Aminuddin Baki.I didnt know how qualified i am for the post..but after some encouragement from my colleagues, i decided to make it a go.So, that night i found myself on the road again, this time on an express bus heading for Jitra.My kids??again i had to leave them to some good neighbours..they protested at first but after giving a piece of my mind, they obeyed.Thank god ..I m blessed with obedient kids and good neighbours...

THURSDAY - I reached Jitra at 5:00 am and my friend was already there waiting for me.That s one advantage of moving around so much.You make friends everywhere and always keep in touch.You might not know when you need their help.When you need them,they are there for you.At 9: 00 am i was all ready for the interview.First , I had to sit for some computer test .There were 173 questions to be answered in 30 mins.Well, i just breezed it through..Then the interview time..As i was sitting outside the room, i could see that all the other candidates were all set.With them were thick files which i guess containing all their credentials and expertist, which definitely match with their serious and professional look.Unlike me, i only brought a few documents that they requested..no thesis..no research papers..After all what i did for my masters were old school already, way back in 1986.

Then my name was called, so i went into the room , and the two interviewers were there sitting in the center,looking at me as if analyzing me from top to toe.After the introductory , the first question shot out was how mobile I am.So, i told them i am highly mobile and cited all the events happening from Sunday up to the present.No comment...Then they went into business..where i thought i could answer it well..That night i took a bus back to Kota Bharu.

FRIDAY-i was back at home,organizing things and starting to mark the test papers..My hols has just begun...but my weary and tired body started to ache all over..

a story of a mother and a child

A 39 year-old mother woke up to the tight gripping hands of his son in the coldness of the air-conditioned room.Opening her eyes slowly, she saw her son standing next to her, panting for breath and murmuring "momy..momy.. ".His chest was moving up and down like someone pumping air into a balloon..or someone who had just finished a 1500m race.

A signal like this,she knew it.It was one of the worst moments again.She must not be panicked.."Relax..calm down..think..." she told herself.She took a second to shake off all the drowsiness.The son was still standing helplessly, waiting for her momy's further action.In a split second, the mother grabbed her pants and blouse, a blanket and a car key and jumped into her maroon Kancil.She didn't even have time to brush her teeth or to wake her other three kids..3 yrs old..5 years old and 7 years old... who were still sleeping soundly in the comfort of the mattress.Other than that there was nobody living in her rented single-storey semi detached house.She left them at 3 oclock that morning in the hands of GOD..

Outside, a gush of cold air brushed her face as she carried and laid her son at the back seat, blanketed him.The son was still struggling and fighting for breath..stronger ang stronger..heavier and heavier.. She glanced at him and could see a deep hollow hole on his chest when he inhaled.She understood that well.Her kancil jerked and rattled through the still, deserted ,misty neighbourhood, passing nobody, meeting no one.Afterall, who would be in their sane mind to wander at the wee hours of the morning?

Leaving the neighbourhood, the mother now reached the town.The neon lights were lighted everywhere.From far ,she could see the traffic lights, red in colour.She drove apprehensively, at 100 km/hr, contemplating whether to stop or to hit the red lights.Looking left and right, not a single sole was around, she pressed the accelerator and the kancil went on fast passing the red lights.The journey to a country hospital which is actually 2 km seemed endless..

She drove off passing the school, the post office, and the town council.Her adrenaline was pumping faster than usual.Everything would be ok..everything would be normal.Suddenly everything at the back turned silent.She called for her son a few times but to no avail.. no reply.She turned and saw the breathing movement under the superman blanket.It should be ok then..
Upon reaching the parking lot of the hospital, the kancil was put into a halt.Ignoring the guard on duty, she craddled her son and ran for her life towards the red lights signaling EMERGENCY.Her voice disturbed the stillness and quiteness of the room. Everyone was up .The nurses were running towards her, the doctor was up and about even the the registrar was alert.She put her son on the sliding bed without waiting for instruction while the nurses was at once busy with all the wires and the gadgets. Everything turned chaotic.
A minute seemed hours. On the bed the son was struggling.He started crawling on the sliding bed and scratching the linen searching desperately for air.While crying he shouted..'MOMY..I can't breathe..i m gonna die.."The mother looking helplessly,shaking.. having not a single idea of what to do..what to say..Tears welled in her eyes and rolled down her weary cheeks..All she could do was to pray to god, to pray for the miracle..Her inner voice shouted..make it fast..make it quick..I cant lose my son..no..no..
Then after all were connected , the doctor grabbed the son, made him lie still and put the oxygen mask on his face.However, still he couldnt breathe ..struggling to tear of the mask, to pull the wires and to kick the doctor.The mother looking from far, prayed for the best...muttered the holly versus.5 seconds passed, the doctor managed to calm down the son with three nurses pinning on him. He began to breathe , heavier at first..then slowly relaxed and relaxed..inhaling..exhaling.. before peacefully falling into a deep slumber.
The mother dabbed her eyes and and gave a long sigh of relief..

What s yoga to me...

I just started practising yoga,in fact i just bought a book on 'Yoga at the office", suddenly it becomes a national issue. The National Fatwa will come out with the ruling on this execise.It is afraid that muslim yoga practitioners will deviate from their faith and beliefs.

I ve read about yoga and been practising it for about 2 months.To me there is nothing wrong with it as long as you dont rehearse their spiritul chants or the manthra.For a 46- year old lady like me i need to exercise.Since i m staying in a country town, visiting gymnasium is out of question for there is none here. To go out and jog in the park is just not a good idea for all my spare tyres will be bouncing up and down.To buy an exercise machine, it is just not worth it..so i resort to yoga...

Yoga is from India. No one knows exactly its history but it has come to existence centuries ago .Yoga is the combination of body movement, relaxation, repetition and correct breathing technique , where if you do it right it can help to get rid of all the toxic in our body.It improves blood circulation, relaxes your mind and at the same time provides you with continuous energy.It is one way of managing your stress too for after a session of yoga you will feel fresh and energetic.Try it if you dont believe!

So that s how i treat yoga, and i think we should not narrow down out thoughts making it into some kind of mistakes.I did receive few negative comments from my hubby, but as long as i treat it as some kind of exercise, it should be ok..of course i avoid those positions which are similar to the god and godess of hindu.We can even do it while sitting on a chair..I trust myself after all i m knowledgeable and sensible enough to choose which is right and which is not right according to my religion...