SOMEBODY IS WATCHING...

As I was busy writing my record book for today's lesson plan this morning, I heard a beeping sound signifying a coming in message.I stopped,opened my handbag and searched for my handset lying somewhere among the junkies .Got it, I opened the inbox.Yes,there was a message and without looking at the number I read it ..

"Tuhan, ku mohon kepadaMu,sentiasalah berkati wanita ini dalam apa jua yang dia lakukan.

Janganlah pernah meninggalkan dia keseorangan kerana dia amat memerlukan cinta

kasihMu.Pimpinlah setiap langkahnya agar terhindar dari segala macam bahaya dan

kejahatan.Aku mohon semua ini kerana aku menyayangi wanita ini.Amin"



The moment I stopped at the last word,warm tears welled in my eyes..Somehow I felt so emotional and extra sensitive.I know it was very silly of me but the reaction was.. how could I say spontaneous..? Some people may take this lightly, after all it was only sms.But to me it is a doa..a wish from somebody I do not know or maybe I know but she or he prefers to remain anonymous.I could not recognize the number..it s not familiar.Whether she meant it well or not,whether it comes sincerely from the bottom of the heart or just a chain sms,it s hard for me to say.
Or may be because I was too stressful and tense these past few days and confused,intimidated,insecured,miserable,screwed up etc.So a heartwarming message like this really help to melt some of the bottled up feelings in me.So, yes..I cried..I let it go.. Lucky me, there s nobody in the staffroom at that particular time or else it could be the topic of the day.

Or was it because I just had a slight argument with somebody at school and I was excessively pressured .You see..I am being put on duty for certain programmes at school on both Friday and Saturday.So,there goes my weekends!I forwarded my suggestion,but the person in charge was not accommodating at all,instead she turned a deaf ear.Definitely my heart rebels from inside..

Or may be because I was too exhausted driving around entertaining my kids.Not to mention I had only a- day weekend last week instead of two.What more , my kids demanded too types of breakfast this morning , so I had to wake up early.My big baby wanted nasi goreng cina which is definitely a no no for his sister.Nasi is her enemy.She would sulk and cry in front of the nasi first if I force her to eat nasi early in the morning.So, I made omelet for her.Then my big baby demanded to reach his school before 7:15 am or else he would lose his sitting position in the front row.You see, the school practises first come first serve policy.Those who come first get to sit in front and he may keep the same sitting position the next day if he comes before 7:15 am. If later,he will lose the place and sit at the back.So, I was kind of rushing like mad this morning and reached his school at 7:12am.Hooray for him!

So, when I received that kind of message, I feel like somebody is watching me.She knows what I am going through and understand my feeling.

Or maybe she is not watching me at all and the message is just a chain one.But who cares..because one thing for sure the greatest ONE up there is watching me all the time.

Happiness is a journey not a destination

When I was just a little girl
I asked my mother, what will I be
Will I be pretty,will I be rich
Here's what she said to me..
Que sera sera..
What ever will be will be
The future's not ours to see
Que sera sera
What will be will be

This melodious tune featured in The Doris Day Show has always been my favourite since I was a little naive girl.Exactly like the beautiful lyric,I would be wondering and dreaming wildly of my unseen future.But one thing for sure I always convinced myself that my path of life would reach its destination where happiness awaited me.

More often than not,we will always tell ourselves that our lives will be complete after we finished our studies and gotten married to a wonderful husband whom we always imagine a transformed hero from Harlequin Romance or Mills and Boons.But then when the Harlequin hero does not make his lasting impression we tend to feel frustrated although we know that nobody is born perfect in this universe of our Creator including our own selves.Then we will be thinking it will be better if we have children to add excitement and colours to life.Yet another problem crop up like the children are not old enough and demand our attention all the time until we find there is no time to be alone in our private world.We start to imagine how contented we will be when they grow older.Again we are frustrated that we have teenagers to deal with which definitely not easy and can really challenge our sanity.We will certainly be happy when they are out of stage.

We keep telling ourselves that our lives will be complete when we are rich and leading a life in fast lane or when we can afford to go for a leisurely vacation or when we we can buy our dream house or when we retire.

At this age, I finally find the actual undeniable truth.There is no other better time to be happy than right now.Our lives are always ,continuously,endlessly filled with challenges,obstacles,some unfinished business ,unpaid loans and the list goes on.And these obstacles are actually our lives.There is no such thing as our real lives are about to begin or happiness is about to come.This is our lives which we should enjoy and try to find happiness and satisfaction in it ,little it may be.

Happiness is the way not the end result at the finishing line.Treasure each day that we go through,find happiness in little things like the smell of morning grasses,the sight of dew drops,receiving calls from your kid,cooking a set of delicious lunch for your family and watching them gobble everything or just getting an early morning kiss from your kid before they leave for school.
Do not wait until the rascal kids grow older or until we retire or until we reach 50 years old or until we get promotion or until we move to a new house or until Sunday or until next week etc..etc..
Stop brooding and waiting for uncertainity.Enjoy life in every passing minute and find beauty in every trail we walk on..
Happiness is a journey not a destination..

My experience in learning Quran-in response to read the Quran campaign

Those were the good old days...It was in 1972 when my parents moved to our new house in my grandpa's village.Before that we had been staying in a government quarters, near my mother's workplace which was about 3 km from my grandad's.
It was at this new place that I started to learn reading Quran in arabic from Mak Long Peah.Not that she was my auntie,but seemed that every kid in my village called her by that name,therefore she was also a Mak Long to me.
Mak Long was a different version of Tok guru.In those days most Tok gurus were known for their fierce demeanor and loud voice,but my Mak Long was a fair,soft-spoken lady with a sweet -smiling face.
So every weekend morning I would walk to my friend's house first.More often than not, I had to wait for Mon to get up.Her mother would shout her name from the kitchen to wake her up.As for me,I would wait patiently, sitting on the staircase waiting for Mon to bath and dress up before walking together to Mak Long's house.
Mak Long's house stood on a large piece of land.There was a giant asam kundang tree( a small yellow fruit with yellow flesh and purple seed) in front of her house and we would stop by to collect the fruits.If we were lucky, we d get a pocket full of asam kundang,but sometimes other kids had had their share first, so we were left with nothing on the ground. When we reached Mak Long's house, the smell of breakfast filled the air..either from a pungent smell of ikan kering..or a fragrant smell of Nasi lemak or nice aroma of chekodok pisang.. ..Since we were using the middle entrance, we could see Mak Long's family having breakfast and they would normally invite us to join.Of course, we would not disturb them,just gave a polite thank you.
Then we would start reading, repeating the previous verses.The house would be filled with humming chorus of the Quran verses from sometimes up to 20 kids.Mak Long, after finished her breakfast ,would come to us with a rattan in her hand and call us one by one.The rattan however, was seldom used,if ever she got angry she would just hit the wooden floor.As far as I could remember,the rattan had never had its victim..My Quran lesson from Mak Long went on until I was in standard 6 where I had a Khatam ceremony. It was not a grand one, no white lacy baju kurung or glittering tiara with a veil.It was just a simple Khatam Al Quran ceremony where I brought pulut kuning with rendang, boiled eggs and berteh(white ,tasteless pop corn) to Mak Long's .Until now I never know what that berteh was for.As for my friend Mon, she stopped going to Mak Long's house after a year of lesson. I never asked her why..
My Quran reading stopped there.I seldom read at home.In those days once you had khatam, that was it.There were only a few Quran lessons at school and religious school.Those were the only times I repeated reading the Quran.
After my SPM, I left for US.I brought along a small Al Quran with a translated version.I remember buying it with my late Pak Oteh at one of the bookshops located at Jalan Masjid India.Sad to say, I seldom read overthere .With all the literature books to read and a Shakespeare lines to memorize and analyse, I guess I was just too busy for my Quran reading.So,it was just lying dusty on top of my drawer until I finish my first degree.
I started picking up my small Quran and reading it when I began my masters.I guess it is normal for a person to look for a source of strength when things get tough and muddled.Al Quran was my solace at that time.Although I didnt quite understand what I was reading,still I could feel a sense of calmness and peacefulness..
When I finished my studies, my small Quran was still with me and I planned to bring it back to Malaysia.On the day I left US, I put my Al Quran in a paper bag with the intention of reading it on my 20 hrs journey.But God had another plan.My best friend Om,now better known as Prof Ummul Khair Ahmad,presented me with a beautifully wrapped present in a paper bag.It was quite heavy.I had two paper bags and a hand luggage to carry along on the plane.Seeing that my hands were full, my other friend, K Ros asked for my Quran.Thinking that I was going back to Malysia and could find a replacement easily,I handed my Quran to her and hope that she would use it all the time.Not that I chose a crystal vase (a momento from Om, for she knew that i love to collect vases) over a Quran,but I thought K Ros would need it more over in US.Now I didnt know where that Quran of mine is, either still with K Ros or maybe she left it in US.But whoever owns it now, I hope she will use it to the fullest.
Nobody is perfect.My Quran reading was like on and off when I got back to Malaysia.I guess I was still young and assumed that I had all the time in this world to read,study and understand the content of Al Quran.But Allah knows what is best for us. Our doas and wishes are granted in different ways which we as servants do not understand .In every doa, I would ask from God to make me a strong individual who can face any tests and obstacles from HIM.To be strong,I was made a defeated soul first,almost suffered from nervous breakdown, was backstabbed ,not by foes but by people I love,had a sick child in my hand and most of the time raising my children single-handedly.So, how did I face all these?Where did I get all the energy, the strength,the motivation and the zest to continue living? It is non other than Al Quran.I started to pick up reading the Al Quran again and had Khatam many times since.Once I had an elderly uztaz coming to my house teaching all the tajwid and hukum.But after a year of teaching he passed away.
Now I am reading the Arabic and Malay translation.My reading is a bit slow for I need to digest what I am reading and there are also times when a Tok Guru is needed for explanation and clarification.To me the best way to learn and understand what you are reading is from a Tok Guru, meaning uztaz or uztazah.You just cant understand everything by reading a translation on your own.It s not as easy as you think.
I d try and read Al Quran every night, at least a page.On Friday morning, I d recite Surah Sajadah and other mornings I d read Surah Al Waqi'ah and remember before you go to sleep every night try to read Al Mulk.Those are my favourite surah besides Doa Shifak andDoa Haikal.When ever my kids are sitting for major examination, I d read Surah Yassin 40 times before the exam day.Those are my practice.
For my kids, three of them had khatam the Quran at the age of twelve.I made sure they khatam before leaving for the boarding school, then I would be one satisfied mother who had done her duty well.For my youngest he is still struggling to finish it and at the same time studying for his UPSR.Hopefully he could finish it by the end of this year.
For my late Mak Long Peah who was my first Al Quran teacher, and Uztaz Mat Noh who had taught me the tajwid, may Allah blessed your souls and put you among the good and the pious.
For now,let s read and understand the Al Quran, the center of our lives, the guidance for now and the world after.

how time flies

Finally, year in..year out..how fast time flies.i still remember those days n nights where my hands were never dried tending to little pieces of me and my hubby.24 hours were just not enough 4 me.time was fully used.ocupied..juggling from career to housework to nurturing those babbies.i seldom have time for myself.those letters from friends have to wait,e-mail..no time what more the spa..

And now suddenly I found myself with so much extra time.i would b sitting in front of tv watching one indon movie after another .i just dont know how to occupy my time.Then i found myself blogging which of course i learnt from my kids.Yeah..i m proud of them.infact i learnt alot about this net things from them.

My kids? well two of them are at boarding schools.My eldest is the vice president of his college, my second ,she excels in these computer gadgets,one in std 6 and one in std 5.they are always engrossed in their busy school world , seldom interrupt my peace of mind.

I used to envy my friends before.They are now prof, assist prof, deans of schools etc.Look at me , i m just a plain high school teacher, i dont have titles but my kids have made me the proudest mother in the world so far.

Now i have time to indulge in hobbies,leisure reading n travelling which i have put off all this while.Suddenly 24 hours are too long a time for me...

i ll start blogging from now...