Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Of course,we couldn't get everything that we want in a year but surely we can make do with what has been given and bestowed to us and adjust it to the best of our ability.
I always look forward to a new year, no doubt this year it means my age is edging towards half a century,I dont mind that.Infact, I am proud of it.It means I am another year wiser and more settled down in my life and career.Frankly speaking, I dont envy those in their 20 s or 30 s because as I can see it they are still struggling or baru nak mula bina hidup. By the time you reach 40, you ve settled down financially and emotionally.You are more confident in your actions,decision- making and you know what you want in life. Beauty wise..well of course it deteriorates but lets not discuss about it..after all beauty is skin deep and lies in the eyes of the beholder.
To err is human and through out our journey in life we make mistakes now and then.So every time a new year approaches I wish that I would not repeat the same kind of mistake or foolishness again.It is always in my prayer that the Almighty will guide me in decision-making. There are times too I felt so frustrated, so heartbroken either due to certain incident or someone.So, I always have high hopes that this someone will not break my heart into pieces again and again, and realise once and for all that I am a human being with feelings and emotions!
I am a teacher.I love my job and do not mind being a teacher through out my career life.I help my students in their quest for new opportunities and discovering talents which may lie buried in self - defeat.Each day I see that life is reborn with questions, ideas and even friendship.I am also doing battles with ignorance ,peer preasure, fear and negativity.If I won, then its achievement to me.A feeling of contentment.So,career wise I d not ask for more, I am being entrusted with the future that is the children.Public and parents trust me.
For my kids, I hope that they will be blessed with good health, then only they can study hard and excel.My eldest will be sitting for his SPM, my second for PMR and my youngest-the big baby in the family will be taking his UPSR next year.I hope all of them will bring straight A s home.At the same time I wish the Al mighty will bestow guidance and hidayah on them.This include my third child too.
I wish 2009 will witness me to become a better muslim, a strong individual,a diligent staff,the best wife and mother to my other half and children and a good neighbour...
Well, those are my wishes for 2009 and happy new year to all.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
I asked GOD for strength, that I might achieve.
I was made weak,that I might learn humbly to obey...
I asked for health, that I might do great things.
I was given infirmity, that I might do better things...
I asked for riches,that I might be happy.
I was given poverty, that I might be wise...
I asked for power, that I might have the praise of men.
I was given weakness,that I might feel the need of GOD...
I asked for all things, that I might enjoy life.
I was given life,that I might enjoy all things...
I got nothing I asked for-but everything I had hoped for.
Almost despite myself, my unspoken prayers were answered.
I am, among men, most richly blessed!
P/S..Always look at the bright side of things in life.Allah, the creator of the universe, knows what is best for us...Warm Maal Hijrah greeting and Happy New Year to all.
Friday, December 26, 2008
Name: Mohd Hafiz b. Baharudin
Age : 3 years old
Weight: 23 KG
Ambition: as he says "polish"
Favourite phrase: "Ama..nak lo"
Hobby : collecting toys particularly lorries and trucks
Birthday boy better known as Bob fascinated with all the accessories on the cake and trying to rearrange as he wished
Birthday boy covered with confetti...
May Bob be blessed with many good things and may the years ahead be a prosperous one.Father reading the doa
Guests arriving...close relatives and neighbours
Part of the menu that day..Pulut kuning, rendang daging and mee hoon Singapore.
Spaghetti and meat balls...eemm..delicious
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Yesterday, after much persistence and insistence from my kids, we went for a show "The day the Earth stood still".I like it ..my kind of show.Actually,this was my second show this week and the previous one was Cicakman 2 where I fell Zzzzz .Let s not make any comment or comparison between the two movies for criticizing film is not my area.
Apart from the two movies, I have not been to any cinema for ages.The last film I watched was "Gandhi" way back in the mid eighties.Amongst other films that I watched during those days were Lady Chatterley's lover, Officer and Gentleman,Friday the 13th,The Natural,Pretty in pink and a few others.The ticket at that time was only $ 2.00Yesterday was RM 8.00 because it was a Lady's Day, if not the normal price is RM 10.00.
The cinema in Malaysia has gone 200% changes from the 70 s era( the last time i went to a cinema in Malaysia ).It was dirty, stuffy,with damp and musty smell lingered in the air and at times stink with urine.You could even see rats scurrying and sometimes rays of sunlight could filter in through the leaking holes.Of course that was the cinema in a small town.However,it s very modern now,very systematic,clean , comfortable and has a very up to date sound system where I think at times it s too loud and could burst my heart.
Definitely , show biz has come a long way here...
Anyway, I guess this is the kind of entertainment the city folks would go for on weekends or after office hours.I did not feel comfortable actually to be amongst those mostly teenagers patronizing the cinema.I was too self -conscious with a feeling of guilt since I am already a hajah.But for my kids sake, I just follow them...after all it s holiday time...
Tonight I m going back again to Muar since tomorrow is my nephew's birthday ,so we are going to have a little celebration.For my hubby, another hard day tomorrow for he is now planting oil palm trees in his new piece of land..his new acquired hobby.That s why he doesnt mind to have a few trips back to my kampung in a week.
Merry Christmas to all the Christian folks!
Sunday, December 21, 2008
The first phase, that is 6 years ,has passed.We have received the products that is the result of the UPSR from the first batch of Etems primary school students and also the result of SPM from the first batch of Etems secondary school students. However, the Ministry of Education still has not given a clear picture and specific analysis of the outcome.
During the first phase, all Math n Science teachers were sent to somekind of either resort or hotel for training.They could have their training and holiday at the same time, and not to mention the good food they enjoyed there.They are also being given allowance(bisp) for the extra work that they should do.The laptops are also supplied to each of them.For the school, facilities are upgraded,computer labs are built, Math, Science and English labs are equipped with LCD and computers including all the programmes and CDs from the departments and the ministry.Now that is the first phase.Even the administrators, from the ministry down to the school level are exposed and be informed of this Etems for easy monitoring.Millions have been spent on this .
The second phase , look into the problem in depth.The Ministry has supplied almost everything needed which i think more than enough but why Etems is still considered unsuccessful.Our kids are still struggling with the subjects,the results are not becoming at all, the students in rural areas are still left behind in terms of perfomance, teachers are not well versed in the language and the list goes on.
A major problem that i could see clearly and vividly is the genuine implementation.It is like building apartments.Physically everything is equipped.the pipe line, electricity supply, the road, sanitary system etc..etc..But will the water supply reach the top most floor..or is there any blockage in the sanitary system ..If there are, solve each problem.Of course, you cant just demolish the building and burn millions of $$$.Yes, some may say that in the process of identifying and solving the problems,we are jeapordizing the future of more and more kids.However, children having inquisitive,curious and young minds are sure to learn something in the Etems class.This is from my experience of being a teacher for 20++years and a mother of 4 school going children.
To the negative remark that says Etems will throw BM outside the classroom, that is exageration!The teachers and children are more than happy to use BM as a medium of instruction for other subjects in the classroom.Sooner or later these kids will reach the college and varsity level where English is used as medium of instruction.So, isn't it good and wise to prepare them now so as not to have a hurly burly time later?Afterall, language is best learned at an early age.
As a person who involves directly with this Etems, I would say part of the failure lies on the teachers...the people who are supposed to impart the language and the content in the classroom.They hesitate to use English in the classroom and teach solely in BM.They seldom attend English class and are not optimistic at all about improving themselves and the spirit of Malaysia Boleh is NIL.But there is another group who would use English,seem motivated,eager to attend English class and voice out their opinion although they stumble here and there and accept comments and critics readily.This group has improved a lot.In fact i would say this group is able to teach English at lower level.
For the ministry to send enough good speakers of Etems teachers to the rural areas is out of question.So what the school could do is to solve this domestic problem and manipulate the teachers they have.Continuous in-house training should be implemented at school level until these Etems teachers are able to speak up. The people who should closely monitor and shoulder this responsibility are the headschool,PK 1, head of language department,head of Math n Science department and the English head panel.Close monitoring and stringent supervision should be carried out ( kerana sesetengah tak ambil pot langsung). Teachers are considered a bright group of people or else they wont be able to get through their college or varsity.What s more, these teachers are Math and Science teachers who are supposed to be brainy as compared to the art group.I am sure they can learn fast if they want too.Afterall, classroom language is simple and besides,the technical terms are all supplied to them.So, speak up!
This remind me of the speaking test i conducted with the Etems teachers months ago.Some of the teachers could not speak at all, could not even utter a single English word, instead just smiling away ..and mind you, this group include the headschool.So ..what did they get from those resort-style of training..i wouldnt know..
To future Etems teachers who are still struggling and grueling at the varsity, equip yourselves with as much knowledge and language as possible so that you could continue to carry out this noble intention smoothly.Once, a friend of mine, a lecturer complained to me that the students in her English class are not proficient enough to be English teachers and cynically blaming the teachers for not giving enough.I thought wouldnt it better for her to take this as a challenge and see what a scholar like her can contribute to upgrade the standard of English in this country.Teachers are only able to deal with the shallow part, the in depth part reqiures an expertist.
So, I suppose if we still have this inspiring dream of becoming a global player in 2020, then Etems is the right choice.. Afterall, the government has open the door widely for us, so it is up to the teachers to enter with the spirit of Malaysia Boleh..
Sunday, December 14, 2008
While writing I cant help myself from eavesdropping on the conversation of the two gentlemen next to my table.It is not that I m busybody..that is not my nature.. but their voices are loud enough to reach my attentive ears.From the conversation I gather that one of the gentlemen has to babysit for the day.He mentions that it just doesn't suit him to take care of children.The other man dumbly nods his head, agreeing to his friend. From the corner of my eyes, I could see that his two kids are well-behaved,sitting there enjoying their roti chanai quietly without imposing any childish tantrums on the father.What more does that father want?Or is he some kind of ego maniac person who thinks that his manly image would be tarnished if he has to babysit for a day?
I feel like interrupting them and giving my piece of mind regarding whether certain duty is a man's job or a woman's job.I am surprise that in this modern era where women is almost at par with men in many ways, there is still such mentality.. conservative, very old fashion kind of thinking.I am not surprised if it comes from a man who belongs to my father's generation..but he is still young..maybe in his early thirties...
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Penjaga gunung negeri Sarawak..
Manis sik ada dapat dilawan..
After lunch we walked back to the hotel,still our rooms were not ready yet.We just sat in the beautiful lobby,witnessing guests arriving and leaving.Seeing that we have waited for 3 hrs,the General Manager approached us and invited us to the VIP room at the top floor..maybe to shut our mouth from making further complaints.From the room we could see the Sarawak River flowing through the greeneries and the passenger boats dotted along the river.Such a calm and serene view.The GM briefed us on the tourist spots around Kuching and their economic activities.
30 mins later our rooms were ready.After unpacking,it was almost evening and there was very little time for excursion.So my kids decided to head for the swimming pool.
At 10:00 am we were all set for the excursion.My friend had left for Semenanjung leaving us with 2 cars to roam around.The moment we saw a mountain we headed towards it thinking that it was Gunung Santubong.We kept on looking for a signboard but there was none.We drove until the foot of the mountain but still there was no sign board labeling the place.So we stopped at one of the villager's house to ask.To our surprise that mountain is Gunung Serapi, and Gunung Santubong is at the opposite direction!We retraced the way, stopped twice, made a u-turn a few times until we finally reached the correct place at 12:00 noon.One thing for sure, Kuching is lacking in signboards and this could really gives problems to tourists.The JKR should do something about this if they want to promote Kuching as one of tourist destinations
Posing with the Bidayuh lady in their traditional dress on the verandah of Bidayuh longhouse.The Bidayuh, accounting 8.4% of Sarawak population is also being called the land dayak.
This is how they get rice from paddy.What a tough job!
Me at the Bidayuh conference hut.This was where the heads had their meeting.Trying to beat the gong calling for a meeting...
Me and hubby trying to find the right tune for Do re me..One of the orang ulu's traditional musical instrument..
A full view of orang ulu house..Orang Ulu or up river dwellers.Total population is 5.5% of the Sarawakians.Orang Ulu comprise the Penan,Kayan and Kenyah.In the past they were famous sword-smiths.Orang Ulu house was built to last, made from solid ironwood designed for many generations.
'A Melanau family' taking a rest..sitting on the notched log staitcase..
My daughter trying to have hands on experience in Melanau traditional game
My son trying to spin tops.Careful along...you are only throwing tops not a criket ball.
Shop and shop till you drop..shopping ..a form of therapy to me..
Me buying ikan terbuk masin..I ended up buying 40 ikan terbuk masin to be distributed among friends and relatives..
That afternoon we had lunch of Beryani rice and Laksa Sarawak at my friend's house..
Saturday, November 22, 2008
At 3 years old she suffered from a high fever and was diagnosed lung infection.Being a government servant, there is no better place to get affordable treatment other than a government hospital.I could still remember how i had to take care of her for eight days at the hospital and sleeping on a comforter laid on a cold, cemented floor for 8 nights.But most of the days and nights i would be wide awake sponging her little body for fear she might get into a fit.Although she was discharged later, the trips to hospital for continuation of care were endless..
At 6 years old, she suffered from a severe abdominal pain.That evening she vomited continuously.She could not sleep.I tried to rub some ointment on her stomach but it didnt get any better.She cried and whined all night long and it went on and on until 5 o'clock in the morning.So, i took a decision to bring her to a private hospital.Why not..if she could get any better fast.At the private hospital, still those 'expertists' could not diagnose her sickness.Infact to get her urine tested, i had to remind the nurses to do so, that was after almost one day being admitted!The doctor diagnosed her as UTI patient and was given antibiotics.On the third day she was brought for an ultrasound, and the elderly doctor could only tell me that there was something abnormal in the stomach.That evening i asked for a dismissal note and for that three days i was charged rm3000 for a service below satisfactory level.I paid in cash...
A motherly instinct told me that my daughter was suffering from more than just UTI(urinary tract infection)So, later after much discussion with my other half,I brought her to see the paediatrician at the government hospital...and her hospital episodes began...
She had to go through x-rays,ultrasound, MCU,KIV scope ,Renal DPTA and a few others which i m not quite familiar with.For her DPTA we opted for The National Cancer Society since there was a along list at HKL.For that we were charged rm 200. To tract down her complications she had to see paediatrician,nephrologist,radiologist,urologist,pathologist from MO level up to the consultant level.They kept on changing her antibiotics from Bactrim to Zenacef to Augmentine.She was trusted from one paediatrician to another since we were always on the move from the east coast to the west coast where she finally ended up in KL Hospital under a vigilant care of two great consultants Miss Susan and Mr. Murali.The two finally diagnosed my daughter as having etopic kidney, meaning the non-functioning of her right pelvic kidney. The kidney has to be removed or else she would be having UTI through out her life and had to rely greatly on antibiotics.Chances for her left kidney to get infected due to UTI were great too.A date for nephrectomy was set on 17 May 2003.That was two years after her complaint of abdominal pain!
17 May 2003- I could still remember vividly the day my daughter was wheeled into the freezing operation room.The anaesthetist kept on talking to her, praised her for having such a beautiful name and gave words of encouragement to boost her spirit.I gazed at her through the glass door until she finally drawn into unconsciousness after blowing a balloon which later she related to me as having a taste of strawberry.
I waited for her in the next room.Telling the truth, I was scared..too scared...but calls after calls from my colleague gave me strength,assurance,comfort and confidence.After exactly three hours, my name was buzzed out from the intercome.I was needed in the recuperating room.I opened the connecting door and there she was..my daughter lying on bed..so small..so fragile but to me she is so courageous, so heroic to battle through the worst stage.In her semi-conscious state, she held my hands and gave me the sweetest smile ever.My daughter was released 3 days later and a week after she was already cycling on her bike...
That was not the end..2 years later, she started having lots of discharge which made her days uncomfortable.So, the paeds passed the case to the gynaecologist.After several tests and scopes, they concluded that my daughter was lacking in female organ..that was the womb.This was after 2 years of visitation.The news came out like a bomb shell. I was dumbfounded upon hearing the result.How could it be..I asked the 'expert' if there was anything could be done.Bluntly, she said, nope...the organ was missing and there was no such thing as 'transplant' in this case.
As a mother, I was frustrated..with the doctor, with the result and with the the effort they had shown.So, I requested to see the top person, the person who supervised the case and did the scope.He gave me a time limit i.e 2 years before he could make any confirmation to the result..so..there was still hope..though a frail one.
Days passed.I kept thinking about what lies in her future.Of course, it is a dream of any mother to see her daughter finding the right partner, getting married, having a family and so on.It tore my heart everytime I looked at her.
However,yesterday I got the most wonderful news that I hugged and kissed her.The news that made my daughter, Afifah a true lady, the news that definitely confirm her womb exists!
To my daughter Afifah Dayana which means 'honour and brave': Continue to discover what life has in store for you with strength,perseverance,faith in God and optimism.I am sure you can beat all the upcoming battles and obstacles..
Momy will always love you and pray for you..
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Thursday, November 6, 2008
A signal like this,she knew it.It was one of the worst moments again.She must not be panicked.."Relax..calm down..think..." she told herself.She took a second to shake off all the drowsiness.The son was still standing helplessly, waiting for her momy's further action.In a split second, the mother grabbed her pants and blouse, a blanket and a car key and jumped into her maroon Kancil.She didn't even have time to brush her teeth or to wake her other three kids..3 yrs old..5 years old and 7 years old... who were still sleeping soundly in the comfort of the mattress.Other than that there was nobody living in her rented single-storey semi detached house.She left them at 3 oclock that morning in the hands of GOD..
Outside, a gush of cold air brushed her face as she carried and laid her son at the back seat, blanketed him.The son was still struggling and fighting for breath..stronger ang stronger..heavier and heavier.. She glanced at him and could see a deep hollow hole on his chest when he inhaled.She understood that well.Her kancil jerked and rattled through the still, deserted ,misty neighbourhood, passing nobody, meeting no one.Afterall, who would be in their sane mind to wander at the wee hours of the morning?
Leaving the neighbourhood, the mother now reached the town.The neon lights were lighted everywhere.From far ,she could see the traffic lights, red in colour.She drove apprehensively, at 100 km/hr, contemplating whether to stop or to hit the red lights.Looking left and right, not a single sole was around, she pressed the accelerator and the kancil went on fast passing the red lights.The journey to a country hospital which is actually 2 km seemed endless..
She drove off passing the school, the post office, and the town council.Her adrenaline was pumping faster than usual.Everything would be ok..everything would be normal.Suddenly everything at the back turned silent.She called for her son a few times but to no avail.. no reply.She turned and saw the breathing movement under the superman blanket.It should be ok then..
Upon reaching the parking lot of the hospital, the kancil was put into a halt.Ignoring the guard on duty, she craddled her son and ran for her life towards the red lights signaling EMERGENCY.Her voice disturbed the stillness and quiteness of the room. Everyone was up .The nurses were running towards her, the doctor was up and about even the the registrar was alert.She put her son on the sliding bed without waiting for instruction while the nurses was at once busy with all the wires and the gadgets. Everything turned chaotic.
A minute seemed hours. On the bed the son was struggling.He started crawling on the sliding bed and scratching the linen searching desperately for air.While crying he shouted..'MOMY..I can't breathe..i m gonna die.."The mother looking helplessly,shaking.. having not a single idea of what to do..what to say..Tears welled in her eyes and rolled down her weary cheeks..All she could do was to pray to god, to pray for the miracle..Her inner voice shouted..make it fast..make it quick..I cant lose my son..no..no..
Then after all were connected , the doctor grabbed the son, made him lie still and put the oxygen mask on his face.However, still he couldnt breathe ..struggling to tear of the mask, to pull the wires and to kick the doctor.The mother looking from far, prayed for the best...muttered the holly versus.5 seconds passed, the doctor managed to calm down the son with three nurses pinning on him. He began to breathe , heavier at first..then slowly relaxed and relaxed..inhaling..exhaling.. before peacefully falling into a deep slumber.
The mother dabbed her eyes and and gave a long sigh of relief..
Sunday, November 2, 2008
I ve read about yoga and been practising it for about 2 months.To me there is nothing wrong with it as long as you dont rehearse their spiritul chants or the manthra.For a 46- year old lady like me i need to exercise.Since i m staying in a country town, visiting gymnasium is out of question for there is none here. To go out and jog in the park is just not a good idea for all my spare tyres will be bouncing up and down.To buy an exercise machine, it is just not worth it..so i resort to yoga...
Yoga is from India. No one knows exactly its history but it has come to existence centuries ago .Yoga is the combination of body movement, relaxation, repetition and correct breathing technique , where if you do it right it can help to get rid of all the toxic in our body.It improves blood circulation, relaxes your mind and at the same time provides you with continuous energy.It is one way of managing your stress too for after a session of yoga you will feel fresh and energetic.Try it if you dont believe!
So that s how i treat yoga, and i think we should not narrow down out thoughts making it into some kind of mistakes.I did receive few negative comments from my hubby, but as long as i treat it as some kind of exercise, it should be ok..of course i avoid those positions which are similar to the god and godess of hindu.We can even do it while sitting on a chair..I trust myself after all i m knowledgeable and sensible enough to choose which is right and which is not right according to my religion...
Friday, October 31, 2008
However, the scenario that i see among these college students or even the younger ones at the boarding schools is very different and do not meet our hopes and expectation.These students are on sponsorship and d money of course comes from taxes and country's revenues.The reality is very surprising.
Once i visited my daughter at one of the boarding schools.Before this my daughter has been complaining on why she did not get any scholarship compared to her friends who are richer n more well off than her.She is awarded only rm 500 a year from the military which i ve to make sure it goes only to her saving .On that day while we were talking at the canteen, one of her friends poped in.At the same time her hands were busy messaging on her brand new handset.After acknowledging me, she walked away..then only my daughter told me that her friend had just bought that RM 600 handphone with her scholarship.My..my .. my ..i was shocked..this girl who barely reached 13 years old just know how to use d money which is meant for her education. Of course i was mad n furious to hear that. I am one of d tax payers and here she is wasting away MY money!!
This is only a story of a 13-year old girl.What about those at the colleges and universities..they sure "KNOW" better how to use the government's aid.
This reminded me of those days in varsity..we didnt have such luxuries.Of course, i didnt belong to handphone or laptop era, infact to own an electric type writer was a bless..we had to live on a tight budget to buy one, it was considered a luxury. Otherwise we had to queue at the language lab to type our assignments or borrowed from friends who owned one..
However,its a different case nowdays.They step into a university with a "must have things list" ..a handset,laptop,motorbike and for some a kancil..They will be roaming around in either their motorbike or a full load kancil.I m talking no nonsense , i know this since i m staying in a neighourhood of a polytechnic.At lunch you have to be extra careful, they will be racing with us as if they are the only people who pay the road tax.
Sometimes i wonder why cant they practise a healthy lifestyle.. stop and walk and smell all the roses and the grasses aroundAfter all their campus is within reach.I used to walk those days and i enjoyed it .Though there was campus bus service,it was the only option we took on cold winter days.Otherwise, be it the hot summer, or refreshing spring morning or depressing autumn evening, we d walk.It gave me time to sort my mind , to think and wonder, to analyse and to plan my day...
So for the 13 year- old girl just now, the teacher has to do something, well the teacher again..After all she is still in the formative years.Teacher in charge has to know how much money is drawn, where it goes to and what things they buy and of course the proof .It s a tedious job but
but if you can do, you ve done your responsibility well! Give a pat on your shoulder..